I was so scared!

I had a very productive shoot on Saturday with the lovely Mike (ABZ_Loon) at my farmhouse. I've used the farm buildings over and over and I'm pretty much done with it. Attached to the farm buildings there is a huge 3 storey farmhouse, complete with fittings, fireplaces, windows, doors, cupboards, bathrooms etc. I've wanted to shoot in this house for ages now but it's pitch black since the windows are all boarded up. Finally, after I supplied a generator, I managed to grab a shoot with Mike. We had an absolute blast shooting and just generally hanging out. He's a real fun guy to be around and gave me the opportunity to be a little creative and try some new ideas.

We even decided to start a fire in the fireplace in the main room we were shooting in...although since I'm crap with fire, I couldn't keep it going for very long (hence why it's absent from the above image) but I was successful at creating a lot of smoke! I also had a very interesting "prop" with me, I'll post up images when I receive them. Also managed to get some creepy ones with the pooch, he's another prop which comes in handy a lot (love you Cody x) I don't know what it was about the farmhouse, whether it was the dark, the silence, the derelict feeling...but I was totally scared for the whole shoot, I felt as though something was watching me the whole time. The images we created looked fab on the camera and had a very creepy feel about them, I'm excited to see more!

I'm really looking forward to shooting with Mike again, we had a blast! Also, just wanted to say thanks to Alanm from UKPM who helped me create some beautiful make-up images for my salon. My clients were very happy Alan...hopefully I'll manage to get a shoot with you soon!

Rupert is coming to visit on Friday...well RusselD for everyone else, Rupert for me! (long story) We're going out for a meal with his wifey Margaret and my hubby Craig. We've got lots planned so need to discuss everything, then we're shooting on Sat and lots of new locations I've found. Got a secret theme to this shoot but all will be revealed in due course!

I've just made mince pies and a Christmas cake and I don't even like them...waiting on Craig coming in to scoff the lot!

Night guys,

Kirst xxx

A bit of a difference

I've admired some of the work Alistair Finlayson has produced recently so I managed to snap him up for a shoot last night. Before I left home the weather was disasterous...the wind was so strong it was making the car sway, the rain was so heavy it was difficult to see...but still, I wanted to shoot outside! Call me crazy!

We played about it the studio for a while, we never had anything in particular planned, just turn up, bounce ideas around a bit and see what we come up with. Here is one of the shots so far ^^, just as a taster. When I suggested the rain Alistair wasn't keen on going out in it then as it got heavier he pulled on his jacket, threw a towel at me, picked up his camera and said "Lets go!" Seen some of the rain images and they look fab!

I also got some images back from Barney from when I was down in East Sussex. I like these, they are a little different...

I really like these images, they are a bit different to my usual nude work...maybe that's why I like them.

Until next time,

Kirst xx

Happiness

It's sad. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, how determined you are, how much effort you put into every little thing along the way there are always some people who are just not willing to let you be happy.

Sometimes it doesn't involve them, they are just being awkward. Maybe it gives them something to do when they are otherwise bored. Maybe sometimes they should keep thoughts and feelings to themselves.

Sometimes

Sometimes it takes the most random moments, the most random situations and the most random images to put life in perspective. I've been doing this a lot recently and I've realised that although my life has been hell for years, thankfully I'm past the worst now, I'm grateful for every single thing that has happened, if it was not for these experiences, good, bad and horrid, I would not be me...they have helped shape my life, my personality.

One huge change in my life is the absence of an old family member, still living...but absent, to my soulmate. This "person", which I cannot legally say too much about, told me over and over again as a very young child "You do not deserve to be happy, everyone else does, but you don't." To be told this as a child is not only disturbing, let alone it coming from someone you looked up to. The whole situation made me so scared, so frightened I couldn't talk...I kept everything a secret for 12 long years, until I was 17 years old. Now, with that "person" out of my life I have Craig. He is my absolute world. I still hear the phrase "You do not deserve to be happy" but no longer do I believe it, I now have someone by my side who tells me it is his mission in life to make me smile and keep me smiling.

The above image was taken by me when I was coming home from England. I was just playing around with the camera but I find this image, more than any of the others, inspires me. It makes me happy for what I have, appreciate what I had and remember what I've lost.
It brings a little saying to mind. I live my life by this philosophy, I even have a copy of it beside my bed which I read every single night.

I take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what I've got and remember what I had. I always forgive but I never forget, I've learned from my mistakes and I never regret. People change, things go wrong, I just remember that life does go on.

Just having one of my "deep" moments and thought I'd share it with you,

Kirst xx

Happy Birthday Cody!

My little man turned 2 today! I can't believe how quick he's grown up! He's still a little $h!t though! When I say "is it your birthday?" he cocks his head to the side and pricks up his ears...he recognises the word but thinks it means he gets a treat before breakfast, a bone for supper and an oversized tennis ball which rolls along the floor making the noise of a rolling boulder crashing into my furniture!

Oh the joys of having a dog!

Kirst xx

Bad Times

2009 has been such a challenge for me and I'm starting to look forward to new beginnings in 2010. This year, my health has went from bad to worse...first I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, then M.E (which led to chicken pox, 3 lots of tonsilitis and losing my voice) and now after another check up with the doctor and some more tests I am allergic to wheat (which is pretty much all I eat since I don't have a sweet tooth) and I also have mastoiditis which showed up during an MRI scan. Basically, this means the lining of my skull or something like that is all inflammed and infected on my left side causing bad headaches and dizziness. It's the second time this year it's caused me bother and now I may have to get an operation to remove something...let's hope it's not my brain!

I asked my doc about the operation, what happens and when I would be getting it done...he replied early next year hopefully and I would have to get my head cut off...I mean open.

...problem...

(1) I'm terrified of surgery after seeing the film "Awake" about a guy who gets his head (I think)operated on and can still hear and feel everything that's going on, he even hears the doctors planning on killing him.

(2) It means I will have to get part of my head shaved, above my left ear....I love my hair...there's no way I'm getting it shaved.

(3) If needs must and I have to get it shaved...I will have a bald bit for my wedding :( It's not happening, I'm puting my foot down....at least wait until after the wedding!

On a lighter note, I'm going to be an auntie! My future sister-in-law is pregnant, she found out when she was 6 months! She did always say she was the type of person to go to the toilet and come out with a baby...she's not far off it!

Also, I received some more images recently from Phil which I'm in love with! I love the colours of the sky in these. Phil is hopefully going to be my early Christmas present this year! Hoping to shoot again soon! Also, my buddy Rupert and I are going to take on the freezing outdoors in early December!

I'm missing my dad an awful lot at the moment. It's probably due to the fact I'm proud of myself and feel he would be too. Also, I hate Christmas without him...Christmas for me is family time, sometimes it's just difficult when part of your family will be spending Christmas looking down on you from the clouds..

Love you dad,

Kirst xxx

Some more from Phil...

^^^^ love it!

Got some more great edits through from my buddy Phil (lifescapes). I love these shots and I also loved hearing Phil is coming to visit me soon! So happy! Going to scout out some perfect locations for us to shoot!

Here are some more of our creations:

Thanks so much for these Phil. It was well worth the wait to shoot with you. Already looking forward to our next shoot...

Kirst xx